I can definitely say that this has not gone according to plan. It's weird, because part of me slips into the old me, the person who wouldn't "expect" things or plan for something, due to disappointment. I start to think about this blog, imagining if I never started it, then people would not be aware of the upcoming possible failure.
I then realize that life is not perfect. Its not a box of chocolates...Life is what you do with the cards you flip over. Sometimes it's the Ace of Hearts, sometimes its the Joker.
For the few of you that have followed my blog or have been around me, then you may have noticed an absence on my part. Well since the half marathon a month ago, I have not had the greatest luck with my health, specifically legs/feet.
Granted I was able to do something that I have never been able to do the week after my other half marathons....RUN. That is the bright side, even if it is nothing more than a glimmer. Since the "week after", it has gone downhill, physically and mentally. The next week was just as bad and alot of the same. Was able to make it 2 miles one day, but the rest of the week was spent swimming. Attempted my long run of 10 miles and barely made it 2 before the pain hit, so I alternated walking and jogging (but more walking) until I had enough.
Vegas Trip
During the excitement while setting the training plan back in January, I knew I had my first ever trip to Vegas and also a 16 mile run on the schedule that weekend. The run obviously never happened, but I was able to run 2 miles one day, which I was somewhat happy about.
My Vegas experience can be summed up in one word....Awesome.
I faced my fear of heights and went on one of the Stratosphere rides. 900 feet up in the air.....Also got to experience a helicopter ride to the Grand Canyon. St Patrick's day, NCAA Tourney, the Vegas Strip....Funny thing but for all the partying and enjoying life in the 5 days that we were that, seeing the Grand Canyon was amazing and peaceful. Gave me time to think and clear my head and take in the beauty.
The Half Marathon
Brings me to the turning point. I know, the past is the past and what's done is done. With this it's still hard to wonder what if. What if I just stuck with the original map and ran the way I should have. I tend to push myself at times due to not only being competitive, but for memories. I don't regret my decision to try and break 1:50, because I knew a close friend had that goal and to fulfill that would have been great. You always remember first times and to be honest, no one can take away the experience I had from my half marathon where I broke 2 hours for the first time. As I've said, it wasn't boring and I got a story out of it. Fast forward to now though and there is still a bitter taste, because of that voice that says..."the ultimate goal...the marathon, why didn't you listen"
Right now I am in a state of the unknown mentally. I've been told that the marathon is 10% physical, 90% mental.....Well, that 10% is almost dead and at the moment the 90% is heading towards the grave. I need to focus, need a kick start and need to get back to the basics and remember day one all over again. I need to realize to make adjustments. I need to realize that to do this, it now won't be "by the book"
Last week I was reading a blog from a fellow runner "Morgan". She seemed to be having some problems and her blog was titled "Limboland" due to injuries she has been experiencing. It was weird to be inspired from this blog, so maybe it was more "comfort", knowing that this great runner was going through similar roadblocks and uncertainties. Unfortunately that "comfort" turned to sadness, when she was diagnosed with a stress fracture that will prevent her from running in the Marathon.
It also helped me appreciate that while I can not train what the schedule says, being able to do something is better than nothing. (Cheer up Morgan and don't get used to those crutches....you will kick them to the curb soon and be back to your old self)
So while my training partners were "enjoying" their 20 mile training run yesterday, I was able to push through 4 miles. Kind of starting over. I wanted more, but was satisfied and tried to accept the accomplishment. This past weekend was supposed to be the Dallas Half Marathon, which I just couldn't do, since I've barely run 13.1 miles over the last few weeks, let alone doing it at once. My body needed the rest from Vegas though, so a trip visiting my Dad in Dallas will have to wait until the summer heat.
This week is a new week....A fresh start....Week 1
I think my biggest thing is not wanting to disappoint people, a few in particular and I guess, that includes myself. I realize stuff happens. I realize that when you get knocked down, you get back up. I realize that good or bad, you can learn from your experience and be stronger the next time.
Problem is....I don't want next time. I'm going to push through and we shall see how things go. But it's going to take alot to keep me from doing this. All the pressure is in my head and I made a promise that I would be there crossing the finish line, completing first marathon.
It wasn't until now that I truly noticed the title of my blog. I named it experience life, and the URL was nevergiveup. The day after my first blog I was asked why I chose those and I did not have an answer. The past month has brought more light to maybe why i did.
Time will tell....in 48 days...
Until next time..
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