Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Time to Step Out....

Its been some time since I last blogged. Granted I started this blog last year as a way to stay commited and accountable during training for my first marathon. It was also a way to step outside the box. I had planned to sit down and finish my goals for 2012 last month which included alot of things.  Obviously that was a big fail....This time as I sit, I'm deciding not to talk about running or exercising or even goals. This is going to be about someone I know. They are unsure about me doing this, but maybe it will help. He has been told it's a good idea and that I should go ahead.

My friend has been told he's a great guy.   He probably would do anything for anyone at the drop of a hat. Some would say he has a good life, some would say they don't really know him. He stays positive as much as he can, surrounds himself with great people. But inside he holds with him, not so much a secret, but a part of him that not many know. A part that not many understand...a part that he feels is not important and a part he tries to ignore. He is living with something that is a daily part of his life. This person lives with something called Crohn's Disease.

In all my questions and all my research for this, there were things that I did not know and have come to learn. Yes, it's not cancer, or ALS or MS. Not to say one is more important than the others or his "struggles" are better or worse than others. I realize he feels they are not important, or as important as those things. He knows there are bigger problems out there.

As this person will tell you, it's hard to explain to someone just exactly what Crohn's is, hard to explain what people may go through. It's not exactly dinner/drinks conversation for starters, plus someone can not really grasp it as there is no way to truly understand from words without experiencing it. There is not just one "symptom", not just one "problem". Anyone who has it is affected differently. Sometimes it affects your feet as the swell up like balloons, sometimes your arms and legs, sometimes your back to where you can barely move, sometimes your mouth as it fills with canquer sores from the acid in the gut. But the main headquarters is all in the gut. The gut is your second brain. Through research, I've found its ALL about food. Food choices, food sensitivities, food allergies....

Most people say the obvious...Just go to the doctor or go to the hospital. They will give you a pill and it will make it all better. If only that were the case. Granted everyone has their own opinions, has their own thoughts. Some people feel pills are a gift from God, some feel they do more harm than good. It's just not that easy.  But that may be for another day, another blog....

Dealing with this, there are days he feels normal and days he feels lost.  There are tears from the pain.  There's hospital visits and rehab.  This person goes through uncertainty each day. While most people take the everyday things for granted, or the routine things for granted, he has to plan and think in advance and take surroundings into account. What to eat, when to eat, where to eat. Yes, most people "plan" what to eat, but planning in the sense of knowing your surroundings in case you eat certain things. There are times when he wouldn't eat if he knew he had plans later that night. There are times he won't go out, out of fear of something happening.

He has come to the point where he doesn't know what is next. One day it will get better, then next day its ten times worse.  Most of all there is regret as this has overtaken his life and he seems to think he's let it win and allowed it to.  All he can do is have faith and pray. Pray that it will turn.  Somedays this person is not sure if that is enough....

This person....well, this person is me.

There are two doors to choose, two roads to follow....For some it may seem the choice is easy, some may feel that there isn't an option and the choice is clear. The past few weeks/months have given me doubts. Doubts about me and doubts about my future, if any....Do I choose to stand strong or choose to step off the ledge.

Until Next Time.....


  1. I also have had many of these feelings in response to my health, tried many things, analyzed my choices, and tried repeatedly to make people understand. You can't. Some days are good and some are awful and you never know what you will wake to. It is hard to feel nkrmal or live a normal life. I get it. I understand. I can't cure you as I haven't cured myself because we can't. Sometimes we just need a hug. I am sorry this is happening.

  2. wait... you experience all of this - the ups and downs, the pain, the swelling, the physicaal agony, the mental agony... and you ALSO ran that marathon? AND come up with inspirational quotes for all of us regularly? impressive! Hope you'll continue to stand strong :)

  3. My father has Crohn's and I know how bad it can get. I wish you nothing but the best and am sending big hugs your way buddy!!!

  4. You gotta give yourself more credit for dealing with this and doing all the amazing things you do, like finishing marathons! I have to admit that I don't have a good grasp on Crohn's, so this helped me understand. Stay strong!