The Fear of the Unkown....

Live mindful of how brief your life is. "It feels just like yesterday" is a statement used often. Think about friends, loved ones, family, colleagues who have passed. Cherish your moments. Minutes are worth more than money! Spend them wisely. Many people take no care of money till they come to the end of it, others do the same with their time. Live in the present. Enjoy - Rex Crain

I can definitely say that this has not gone according to plan.  It's weird, because part of me slips into the old me, the person who wouldn't "expect" things or plan for something, due to disappointment.  I start to think about this blog, imagining if I never started it, then people would not be aware of the upcoming possible failure.

I then realize that life is not perfect.  Its not a box of chocolates...Life is what you do with the cards you flip over.  Sometimes it's the Ace of Hearts, sometimes its the Joker.

 

For the few of you that have followed my blog or have been around me, then you may have noticed an absence on my part.  Well since the half marathon a month ago, I have not had the greatest luck with my health, specifically legs/feet. 

Granted I was able to do something that I have never been able to do the week after my other half marathons....RUN.  That is the bright side, even if it is nothing more than a glimmer.  Since the "week after", it has gone downhill, physically and mentally.  The next week was just as bad and alot of the same.  Was able to make it 2 miles one day, but the rest of the week was spent swimming.  Attempted my long run of 10 miles and barely made it 2 before the pain hit, so I alternated walking and jogging (but more walking) until I had enough.

 

Vegas Trip

During the excitement while setting the training plan back in January, I knew I had my first ever trip to Vegas and also a 16 mile run on the schedule that weekend.  The run obviously never happened, but I was able to run 2 miles one day, which I was somewhat happy about.

My Vegas experience can be summed up in one word....Awesome.

I faced my fear of heights and went on one of the Stratosphere rides.  900 feet up in the air.....Also got to experience a helicopter ride to the Grand Canyon.  St Patrick's day, NCAA Tourney, the Vegas Strip....Funny thing but for all the partying and enjoying life in the 5 days that we were that, seeing the Grand Canyon was amazing and peaceful.  Gave me time to think and clear my head and take in the beauty.

 

 

The Half Marathon

Brings me to the turning point.  I know, the past is the past and what's done is done.  With this it's still hard to wonder what if.  What if I just stuck with the original map and ran the way I should have.  I tend to push myself at times due to not only being competitive, but for memories.  I don't regret my decision to try and break 1:50, because I knew a close friend had that goal and to fulfill that would have been great.  You always remember first times and to be honest, no one can take away the experience I had from my half marathon where I broke 2 hours for the first time.  As I've said, it wasn't boring and I got a story out of it.  Fast forward to now though and there is still a bitter taste, because of that voice that says..."the ultimate goal...the marathon, why didn't you listen"

 

Right now I am in a state of the unknown mentally.  I've been told that the marathon is 10% physical, 90% mental.....Well, that 10% is almost dead and at the moment the 90% is heading towards the grave.  I need to focus, need a kick start and need to get back to the basics and remember day one all over again.  I need to realize to make adjustments.  I need to realize that to do this, it now won't be "by the book"

Last week I was reading a blog from a fellow runner "Morgan".  She seemed to be having some problems and her blog was titled "Limboland" due to injuries she has been experiencing.  It was weird to be inspired from this blog, so maybe it was more "comfort", knowing that this great runner was going through similar roadblocks and uncertainties.  Unfortunately that "comfort" turned to sadness, when she was diagnosed with a stress fracture that will prevent her from running in the Marathon. 

It also helped me appreciate that while I can not train what the schedule says, being able to do something is better than nothing.  (Cheer up Morgan and don't get used to those crutches....you will kick them to the curb soon and be back to your old self)

 

So while my training partners were "enjoying" their 20 mile training run yesterday, I was able to push through 4 miles.  Kind of starting over.  I wanted more, but was satisfied and tried to accept the accomplishment.  This past weekend was supposed to be the Dallas Half Marathon, which I just couldn't do, since I've barely run 13.1 miles over the last few weeks, let alone doing it at once.  My body needed the rest from Vegas though, so a trip visiting my Dad in Dallas will have to wait until the summer heat.

 

This week is a new week....A fresh start....Week 1

 

I think my biggest thing is not wanting to disappoint people, a few in particular and I guess, that includes myself.  I realize stuff happens.  I realize that when you get knocked down, you get back up.  I realize that good or bad, you can learn from your experience and be stronger the next time.

Problem is....I don't want next time.  I'm going to push through and we shall see how things go.  But it's going to take alot to keep me from doing this.  All the pressure is in my head and I made a promise that I would be there crossing the finish line, completing first marathon.

It wasn't until now that I truly noticed the title of my blog.  I named it experience life, and the URL was nevergiveup.  The day after my first blog I was asked why I chose those and I did not have an answer.  The past month has brought more light to maybe why i did.

 

Time will tell....in 48 days...

 

Until next time..

THE Week After....Half Full or Half Empty

Quote of the day
Success is a choice you must make everyday. Leaving your success in the hands of someone else is very dangerous. It seems everyone is more than willing to tell you what you can or can’t do, or what you should or shouldn’t do with your life. Your life is your responsibility. If you want to be successful, and I know you do, then make the decision to do something everyday to get you closer to your goals. - Keith Cameron Smith

This week for me has been considered as THE week.  From day one of training it has been marked on the calendar with a red flag.  The week following my Half Marathon.  For those that know me, you know that in my previous 2 half marathons that I have run, I have yet to be able to be pain free for weeks.  The first one, I didn't go back to the gym for 3 months.  Last year was an improvement and I only took about a month off.  These were not time offs by choice, they were because of pain.
This time, there was no option.  The marathon training schedule did not show any time off, in fact it said get your butt back in the gym and run 2 days later. (ok, it didn't say that exactly)  So I guess going in I was a bit rough on myself mentally.  But as Keith's quote mentions....Success is a choice. 
As I came off the high of my successful Half, I had to quickly come back down to earth.  The week did not go as planned, I was not able to run and my confidence throughout the week was fading and my optimism about the marathon was following right along with it.  But there were some good points, while not many, it's all I can focus on right now to keep me going......

Monday - Rest Day
The day after....Today was an obvious rest day.  Specifically scheduled an appointment with my other chiropractor (aka the witch doctor)  He is more of an alternative health practitioner and has been a HUGE help the past few years helping me recover from my illnesses as well as my workouts.  I have seen a girl on crutches go into his office and come out jumping up and down.  He definitely fixed me up.  All my soreness went away and my IT Band went from excruciating pain to just pain.

Tuesday - 3 Miles   Actual - Swim 2 miles, Walk 1.5 Miles
My knee just didn't feel right and I still had some pain when I tried to walk "normally" (meaning one foot in front of the other, rather than one foot in front while the other one is turned sideways dragging behind), so I decided to hit the pool.  Had some disappointment, but this was expected.  I was happy to get the swim in before work.  After work, I was feeling good so I decided to head back to the gym, just to stretch out my leg and get some core work in.  Was NOT going to try and run, just walk at a nice easy pace as certain people's voices were in my head saying "Dave, be smart and listen to your body".  Felt good and well worth the second trip to the gym.

Wednesday - 6 Miles   Actual - Walk 2 miles
Another day of playing it safe.  Decided again to just walk to at least feel productive.  The positive side of things, I am now able to walk "normal" with minimal pain/maximum soreness, which is good...Progress...Baby steps.  Took some time to focus on stretching and did some core work.  Also spent some time with the dreaded foam roller, which was a bit painful...lol

Thursday - 3 Miles   Actual - Swim 3 miles
For the first time I woke up early on a Thursday (which has been a thorn in my side for some reason).  This was good, since I wanted to get a long swim in.  Legs starting to feel better, but playing it safe.  Decided to swim 3 miles instead of run.  Flip turns felt better than Tuesday and my pushoffs felt stronger.  Thought about doing double duty again and hitting the gym after work, but decided to go home and just relax.

Friday - Rest Day   Actual - Run 3 miles (30:47)
Yes, you are reading that correctly....I was actually able to run 3 miles today.  While it was a slow pace, the pain was minimal and I did not stop.  It was an absolute perfect way to start a Friday and only a few things could have made me smile more than I was.  I started to look forward to my long run Sunday and my mindset did a 180 just like that.

Saturday - Cross Train   Actual - 1/2 hr elliptical, Walk 1 Mile, Run 1 Mile
Nice and easy workout, nothing out of the ordinary.  The elliptical felt good, so much so, that I decided to hop on the treadmill....stretched out with a 1/2 mile walk, then ran 1 mile (same pace as yesterday) then cool down another 1/2 mile walk.  Spent a good time stretching with some core work.

Sunday - 13 Miles  Actual - 4.53 Miles
As quick as the optimism comes, it deflates even faster.  As weird as it sounds, when I finished the run (or should I say, when I quit) I reached a low point mentally in my training.  I was actually excited for the run.  Jodi, one of my training partners, let me borrow her old Garmin, so I was able to hit the trails outside.  While Jodi and Jenn were doing their 30k race in Cleveland, I was ready to attempt a my 13 miles alone.  I honestly had no "goals" for today other than to complete the run.  Would love to keep under a 10 minute mile pace, but still learning to pace myself.  Started out strong and felt good.  Of course I tried to keep a nice "easy" pace but the Garmin said first mile just around 8 minutes, which I still say is wrong...lol.....Mile 2 was an 8:45....Then just fell apart physically.  My IT Band felt like it got shot, my quad felt like it was getting hit with a hammer and my hip was screaming.  Mentally I was still there and was pushing through it to the finish.  That obviously changed...I adjusted to hope to get 10 miles in, then it switched to 7.  I started to walk some then run some.  The pain got so intense I just couldn't go any further and had to stop.  I made it home and honestly wanted to cry.  Both from pain and disappointment.  After a nap, spent the day hobbling on crutches and icing my knee.

Realization is setting in about what I am embarking on here.  I knew it wouldn't be easy, but didn't really know....Sounds weird, yes.  Toughest part is it's not even halfway through training and the long runs are just starting.  Part of me knows it's not this hard and I can do it, the other part is battling and letting me know it may not happen.  A phone call from a friend this afternoon helped brighten up the day, at least in the sense of getting some positive vibes back in me.  Definitely was spot on what I needed.
At this point, I don't know what my goals are for the week.  I can obviously look back and learn from the week.  I don't know yet what that lesson will be, but it will come to me I'm sure.
But as I said earlier it's either half full or half empty.  So rather than focus on the negative and what I was not able to do this week (as hard as it is right now), I just have to settle on the fact that for the first time EVER I was able to RUN the week after a half marathon.

Until next time...